5 Ways to Vet Your Sources of Childcare Advice
The other day, I put out a couple of online feelers to find out what Early Childhood-related subjects my audience might be hoping to read about in this blog. I was overwhelmed with responses and got a lot of new post ideas! The subject of this blog post, though, wasn’t suggested to me overtly.
No, unfortunately, rather, the idea for this post came to mind when I started reading some of the suggestions and realized the necessity for it.
I need to preface this by clarifying that every single response I received was well-intented and good-natured. I got lots of heartfelt responses from parents and educators that came from the best places. What I noticed, though, was that while these messages did come from the heart, they also seemed to come from places of false expertise on Early Childhood. Now, I am in no way implying that I am any sort of expert myself. But what I want to point out is that when raising children, it is so important to also come from a place of open-mindedness and flexibility. The field of Early Childhood is always gaining new research, and if we’re not listening to it, we’re putting our children’s health, happiness, and success at risk.
Now, with everyone being an expert these days, it can be difficult to sift through all of the advice that’s flung our way and figure out which pieces are gold. To help, here are five ways to consider the validity of all of the opposing nuggets of advice that are hurled at us all:
1. Consider your goals.
What are your goals for your child? Is the advice you’re facing intended to help reach them?
Maybe you’ve been given some special books or DVDs that are designed to help your child become an early reader. Great, right?! But wait. Is your goal for your child to become an early reader? Or is it to become a lifelong reader? Or a skilled reader? Lots of research actually shows that pushing academic reading skills like phonics on children too early can eventually hinder their abilities to perfect (or enjoy!) these skills later in life.
Has someone filled you in on a neat tip or trick that will definitely coerce your child to follow your instructions? Sounds convenient to me! But wait. Is your goal for your child to be a follower? Or maybe a leader? Maybe finding those convenient solutions aren’t really helping your child’s long-term development, but are just short-term solutions to make the day smoother.
Is your goal for your child to become a “good” toddler…or a good adult? Next time you’re faced with a piece of advice, ask yourself, “Does this help or hinder my long-term goals for my child?” [Hint: it should never hinder them.]
2. Consider the goals of the person or entity informing you.
I recently came across a beautiful advertisement from a big, extravagant preschool near where I live. The handout boasted about all of the wonderful benefits of their “unique” educational methods. Statistics showed the leaps and bounds that their students make educationally. A friend of mine was in awe and described all of the information as, “really impressive.” I felt impressed, too…until I read the fine print.
Turns out, these “statistics” were gathered by studies that they conducted themselves. And their method of research? Self reporting about the general success of their students from their own teachers in the program.
That’s right. They asked the teachers in this school how well they think their own methods are working. Teachers replied, “great!” Ta-daaa! Now they have material for an advertisement about how great their methods are.
Pretty sketchy, huh? This program (and many like it) are telling parents what “works” and “doesn’t work” in aiding the development of their children, but what are their goals? Money. Advertising. Enrollment.
Consider a teacher giving you advice on how to help your child at home. (Disclaimer: I am definitely not advising everyone to ignore the advice of an educated professional, but rather to think thoroughly for yourself and consider all information at hand!) Has the teacher told you why this advice can be helpful? Is there research backing this idea and attributing it to lifelong success? Are you meeting to encourage your child’s development? ………………Or is the teacher finding ways to make their classroom a more convenient space? What are the teacher’s goals? Are they for your child? Or are they to make the teacher’s job easier (often presented under the guise of disrupting learning for other children)?
If the source of information has goals that aren’t centered around your child, the information shouldn’t be applied to your child’s growth.
3. Consider the positivity.
If applying advice makes your child hysterically cry it’s probably not that good.
If your method of “discipline,” “redirection,” or whatever we’re calling it these days is damaging your child’s mental and emotional health, it’s probably doing more harm than good in the long run. Maybe your child starts to do what you say, but at what cost to their self concept or psyche?
Or what about their trust in you as a caregiver, parent, teacher, etc.? If you’re forcing them to cycle through hurtful emotions in an effort to teach them a lesson while you stand idly by refusing to help meet their needs, the lesson they’re getting is that they can’t rely on you to provide the love and care they need at all times. Ouch.
I think we can all agree that’s pretty bad.
4. Consider the reason.
Why are you or would you implement an idea into your teaching or parenting style? Make sure your reasons are sound. If it’s because of tradition or from your own past experiences from childhood, consider how you’d like to make things better for the next generation. Even if you’re completely happy with the way you were raised, I think we all have a few things about ourselves that we don’t want to pass down. Think deeper about how we can really ensure the best for our children. Always do the best you can and don’t settle.
Is your reason because you simply haven’t explored any other ways around a certain idea? It’s the way you’ve always done it and you haven’t considered other ways? You owe it to your children to take the time to hear other perspectives. To read some literature from experts or to familiarize yourself with some research. There isn’t just one way to do anything, and it’s important to be open to finding out what the other ways are.
5. Consider the expectation.
Make sure the expectations of a teaching method are developmentally appropriate. (More on what developmental appropriateness actually is here.) We often impose adult expectations on children, believing that this will help guide them toward developing the skills they need later in life. We forget that a young child is complete in his or her stage of childhood, and is not just an adult who doesn’t know better yet. Please don’t expect your child to complete adult tasks that are outside of his or her developmental capabilities.
Young toddlers don’t have the ability to empathize or collaborate and won’t for a while, so don’t impose expectations on them that they won’t hit a peer or that they’ll understand your perspective if you just explain it. If you read about a way to “teach” your young toddler empathy, understand that it’s probably not empathy they’re actually developing in this process.
Young children don’t have the same organizational tendencies as adults do. Making them clean their room for fear of punishment isn’t helping them to become a more tidy and organized person. Stick to modeling organized behaviors in your household for them to experience and rely on as they grow instead.
Notice when you are given a piece of advice that goes against what you believe your child to be naturally capable of. Forcing them to complete tasks outside of their capabilities isn’t helping them to master them, but rather just introducing them to failure and incompetence. Embrace your child’s abilities where they are, love them for who they are, and work with them on things they can complete with confidence.
This, and only this, is how children can reach each next step in their learning and development.
Have you been faced with a piece of advice that you have felt uncomfortable with? Have you given advice that maybe you shouldn’t have? This post might stir up some emotions, and the comment section is here to work them out! Let’s discuss our thoughts below!